Please understand

Me: Dad, I’m not a child anymore. I’m turning 19 soon.

Dad: Yeah, I know. I get it.

Me: No you don’t, you don’t get how I feel.

Dad: And how do you feel?

Me: STOP trying to shrink me out now!

Dad: Ok, sorry.

Me: Dad, you can’t keep embarrassing me this way. I’m not a 5 year old child that’s going to put up with your crap. You’ve got to realise that I have an opinion and a life of my own. I love you and I need you in my life but that doesn’t mean I’m going to agree with every single god-damn word you say. Just because I do the things that I want to do doesn’t mean I don’t respect you. I will always need you in my life but you’ve got to learn to back off. Things aren’t the same any more. It’s bound to change and you’ve got to understand that.

Dad: But I don’t like sitting on the side-line watching your life go by.

Me: You are the last person on earth to be benched. Why don’t you understand how important you are to me? Why does no one get their respective places in my life? Dad, I love you and I respect you immensely, but I need my space. Being home doesn’t help either and you know that. I need a break once in a while and I most definitely need you to just chill. You’ve finished with most of your job. Now I just need a shoulder, the guidance and the occasional nudge. You okay with that?



*sigh*



I wish.

This time

Another desert safari had me thinking this Eid was going to be as uneventful as the rest. Turned out pretty interesting. 4 cars, 2 norms, 2 n00bs…go figure. It hasn’t even rained as yet. The sand was as soft as it could have ever been. We get there with the usual huff and puff. The constant rock n roll to get the cars out. Landed up having to help every single group we met. Finally find a spot to set up camp when I decide to drive off in dad’s 4 wheeler. Sure, fine, shouldn’t be a problem right, except for the fact that I don’t have a license, we’re in the middle of no where and the last time I did this I took of the front bumper. This time was a lot less amusing. Just drove around for a while and then got called back to work. Total bummer, you think? Not really. Work in the desert involves barbequing delicious pork ribs, steaks, chicken, baby quail, fish and so much more. Food at its best. While watching the sun go down like I’ve never seen before, a bonfire is lit, guitar jam sessions start and we dance till we can’t stand any longer. To take a break from it all, I lie down and watch the stars. Thoughts that I’ve never even dreamt of thinking slowly creep in to my normally overworked mind. Realization strikes but it didn’t captivate me just because I knew it was going to happen. I know that things tend to fall into place when in this state. I get up and see that almost everyone’s asleep and it’s just me and one of the n00bs. I was about to call it a night myself when he brings over a bottle of Jim Beam and a six pack of coke and asks me to share it with him. I somehow hadn’t had any booze all night and wasn’t sleepy at all so decided to keep him company. 1 bottle, 2 people, 3 hours. We stayed up talking and it was the most interesting conversation I’d ever had. Stories, embarrassing moments, lows, highs…we spilt it all. The thing is that talking to a stranger is like a silent pact. Apart from it being easier and knowing that I’ll never see him again, we both realized that whatever we said to each other stayed between us and most important, we couldn’t judge each other. We watched the moon set, the darkness in between and the sun rise together. Ate breakfast, said goodbye and went our separate ways. I’ll never see him again but I’ll always remember the stranger in the night.

To all first borns

The gift of your loins
The fruit of your womb
I am your first born
I am your tool.

The product of your fun
The experiment for all time
I am your first born
A guinea pig till I die.

I grew, I learnt
I suffered, I taught
I am your first born
Brought forward with immense thought.

I was your baby
I was your child
I am your first born
No more wild.

Goodbye ma
Tata dad
I am your first born
And so very glad.

Goodbye

You didn’t say goodbye
You left me to fall
You didn’t think it through
We could have had it all.

I won’t cry, I won’t crib
I hold my head high
Cause I know in the end
I’m gonna do all right.

I’ve picked myself up
Brushed myself off
And learnt that I am
Made of tougher stuff.

I made my mistakes
Understood my flaws
But figured for myself
I didn’t break no laws.

Your touch, your smell
I’m so happy I’m me
I can live without you
And, finally, I’m free.

random

How do you describe a day that makes words fail you? How do you explain emotions that you yourself can not understand? Its times like these when an old friend, gossip and good food are a perfect remedy. Yesterday was beyond description. All I remember was an amazing Iftar and a long well deserved night’s sleep. I wake up realizing I’ve got too much to fit into today.

I have friends to meet, gifts to buy, parents to please and a gazillion assignments to finish and here I am writing a post for my blog.

What does not make sense to me is that I do not know how to express myself this time.

Not being the kind to be at a loss for words, this comes as a pleasant surprise, especially when the r.j. on 106.0 seems to have a telepathic connection with me. All the songs either describe how I feel or help me get into a mood that is positively pleasant.

All I know is that I really could not care anymore and that being me is enough.

Now if I can just finish my assignments in time :P

thank you...

A workout at the Corniche, an episode of Scrubs and a painful blister can make you realise a lot of things. The most important to me being that life could be worse. I have spent a lot of time cribbing and moaning about the way my mum and dad treat me forgetting the good things that have happened and to an extent, that they to are human. Things like my dad not being there for my birth, communion or confirmation brought me down to a place where I forgot that the day my sister received her first holy communion, my dad got another cake made for me saying “simply the best” and sang to me in honor of everything that I had ever done for him. I forgot that not once did I have to ask for anything but if I deserved it, I got it. Or the times my mum stood up for me when my dad was at the worst of his fits. I forgot that they had a right to break down and cry and expect me to lend a shoulder just because they had done it for me. All the times I went up to them for hugs just cause I wanted one or cried on their shoulders till the break of dawn cause of a bad dream, the endless discussions just to make me understand that all they wanted was for me to be a better person. Ma, Dad…thanks…

i did it :D

"Love of my life, You hurt me, You broken my heart, Now you leave me Love of my life can't you see, Bring it back bring it back, Don't take it away from me, Because you don't know what it means to me"
yay... i've got my own blog. I really don't know how much sense there was in making this as it was a spur of the moment decision but any hoo, what's done is done. This is not going to be one of those beautifully written blogs with words describing emotions to pure perfection...this is more of a way to let go...i guess frou frou got it right 'cause there is beauty in a breakdown...it just depends on how often it happens :P