20 years

It’s supposed to get easier as you get older. Life is supposed to become routine. Less fuck up’s. Fewer mistakes. Then why is it that as you grow older situations wears you down a lot quicker? You’re supposed to be used to the yelling, used to the comments, used to the insult. But it still hurts. 20 years on and it still hurts when they yell. 20 years on they expect you to change. Have they changed? Have they become better? All they think about is what they expect. No thought given to what we want.

The thought of forgetting becomes a distant dream for at every step taken they are there to remind you that you fucked up so many years ago. It’s funny how the years are looked upon differently depending on the situation. While it’s only been two years since you left school, it has been only two years since you messed up big time. No sight of being trusted again. No whiff of freedom in the air.

They still flip out as much on the smallest of things and then wonder why you don’t trust them. Maybe it’s because we know how you’re going to react. Ever given that a thought? Ever wondered why we protect one another? Ever considered how difficult living becomes when you are so over-bearing?

It would be so much easier if you’ll just let us live. 20 years is a lot of time to learn from mistakes. The constant nag that you have become only makes it more difficult for me to come home. It just serves as a constant reminder of why I want to leave. Of why I want to run away.

You will never understand this. I don’t expect you to. You refuse to.

I wish you’d let me just be… be me.